Hurry on over to Manolo the Shoeblogger's Never Teh Bride website to read my heartfelt contribution to the Wacky Weddings Contest. Believe it or not, that isn't even the worst wedding story I have to tell: we also attended a wedding in which the bride's brother (who in a stroke of misguided optimism was best man) gave a rambling, twenty-minute toast in which he insulted the bride's housekeeping, accused her of bestiality with a monkey (and hinted that her groom ought therefore to get an AIDS test, thereby proving that he knows jack about medicine), called his own wife ugly ("I carry a photo of my wife with me wherever I go. When I'm out at a bar, I take a look at it, and I know it's time to go home when she starts to look good to me."), and so many more, I've blocked them out of my mind so I can sleep at night. It's the first time I ever saw the guests at a wedding boo a toast to the bride and groom.
But I don't want to be a show-off, or anything.
Plunk!
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5 comments:
Hi-- came over via Marilyn, and then went to read the key story.
Please, please tell me that the groomsmen thought that would be a great joke? Because that was truly unbelievable. And if it wasn't a practical joke -- what the hell was she thinking, passing her house key out to all those guys? Why not just answer the door? I must be missing something here.
Anyway-- great story!
What a story! Still laughing (and truly hoping the guys fessed up to the joke so the poor girl could have her happy wedding).
I hate those protracted joke toasts. Why can't we be adults at weddings I want to know. What with the cake in the face smooshing and the ribald jokes it's like hanging with a room full of 13 year olds. While wearing panty hose. Strike two. The last reception I attended had no booze. NO BOOZE!!! Not even a cash bar and it was at a country club, so hello, liquor would be totatally appropriate. Some nonsense about the family of the bride not being drinkers. (Wanders off muttering, "no booze I tells ya"...)
totally. You knew what I meant.
My late friend Francis, from Bradley Beach, NJ, was part of a wedding party that thought their pal shoud never marry his fiancee.
At the rehearsal dinner, they got the groom totally pissed, emptied his pockets and put him on the sleeper train to Chicago.
Years later, the groom thanked them for saving his life.
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