No-Bull Book Review: Punk Knits by Share Ross

Last fall, when I saw that not one, but two major publishers were putting out books devoted to punk-themed knitting, I was bemused. Are punk knitters a demographic that is terribly underserved by the knitting pattern industry? I wondered. Or is this merely a coy marketing ploy aimed at a harder-edged crowd, those who aren’t keen on the post-feminist-but-I-like-Hello-Kitty offerings we’ve seen in the past few years from "hip" or "edgy" designers.

But these thoughts quickly gave way to the major conundrum that a punk knitting pattern book presents: If the punk movement was all about iconoclasm, individuality, thumbing one’s nose at the mainstream, rage against the corporate machine, then exactly how can you reconcile a mainstream book put out by a large multimillion-dollar publishing entity containing cookie-cutter patterns for thousands of knitters to copy?

I still haven’t figured out the answer to that one, but I’m sure my esteemed readers – some of whom, unlike goody-two-shoes me, were actually part of the punk movement – will have some ideas.

In the meantime, I now turn to Punk Knits: 26 Hot New Designs for Anarchistic Souls and Independent Spirits by Share Ross, the first of the two punk knitting books to be released. The book is published by Stewart Tabori & Chang, and contains 26 patterns for the nascent (or do I mean nostalgic?) knitter of punk accoutrements. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say “knitter of faux-punk accoutrements,” for in all honesty I can’t believe anyone who is steeped in the philosophy or lifestyle of true punkitude is going to read this book, let alone make anything from it.

It pains me to say that, because we all know about my publishing crush on Melanie Falick. Yes, former editor of IK, editor of ST & C’s craft line, who brought us such lovelies as Handknit Holidays and Weekend Knitting. But after reading Punk Knits I must wonder whether Ms. Falick received a damaging cosh on the head while body-surfing through a mosh pit. In other words, what on earth were you thinking, Melanie?

I know, I know, you’ve heard me gush over the last couple books I reviewed, and you know I’ve never met a Melanie Falick book I didn’t like. So now you’re probably wondering what could possibly have sent me over the edge when it comes to this little volume. Paperback, spiralbound (I love the spiral binding!), 26 designs, color photos, MSRP of $19.95, sounds okay so far.

Well, let’s start with the hokey music-themed puns sprinkled throughout the book. No boring old middle-America “Introduction” here; nope, we have “The Rehearsal.” Instead of a section with the oh-so-conventional title of “Patterns,” we have “The Gig.” And the last section, containing useful information, credits and such is “Back-Up.” It's all so contrived -- the opposite of the spontaneous, live in the moment gestalt of punk.

Likewise, a simple beginner/intermediate/advanced difficulty rating is eschewed in favor of a more complicated 5-tier system: Garage, Coffeehouse, Nightclub, Theater and Arena (going from easiest to hardest skill level). Apart from the fact that this confused me (I could never remember whether Coffeehouse was the next to easiest or next to hardest), there is something inherently anti-punk, at least in spirit, to classifying patterns as easy or hard and then expecting the bad-ass, break-the-rules punk knitter to fall in line with those classifications.

We’ve got little text boxes sprinkled throughout reminding us of important factoids, like that Keith Moon of The Who (can there be a bigger sell-out, multimedia corporation in the music biz than the frickin’ Who?) wore fingerless gloves in Tommy, or homages to various inspirational punk rockers like Marilyn Manson, or Woodstock, or John Lennon, or Lenny Kravitz.... huh?

We've got dopey models, milling about like extras from the club scenes of "My So-Called Life," or aging hipsters dressed for a VH1 "I Love the 80s" taping.

But putting all the superficialities aside, the worst part about this book is that the patterns are boring.

Here are the patterns that you’ll find in this book: 3 sweaters, all of them pretty much the same except one is striped, one has holes in it and one doesn’t have holes in it; 2 mini skirts, pretty much the same except one is knit in mohair and one in something lumpy; fun fur scarves (you know, cast on 12 stitches, knit until you almost run out of yarn, cast off); a man’s necktie; 3 or 4 fingerless glove patterns (remember, that dead guy from The Who wore them); a pillow; 2 hats; a choker ; a short furry vest; a long furry vest; a halter kind of top “sewed” together with safety pins (actually piercing your flesh with them is so 1982);

a guitar strap; sleeves knitted into a jean jacket; mesh-y leggings; a kilt with a skull on it; and some kind of furry Doc Marten spats. Maybe I’m forgetting something but you get the idea. Oh yeah, fake pigtails made from $44 worth of Colinette Point 5 (a criminal use of expensive hand-dyed yarn, IMHO, but I guess a mohawk presented too much of a design challenge).

Nothing in the book is particular new or interesting; in fact, vigorous Googling will net you free copies of pretty much everything in there, and when you take Knitty and MagKnits and the bounty of bloggers into account, you can generally find more interesting versions. Even the supposedly transgressive stuff has been done before: guitar strap? Knitty did it in 2003. Knitting sleeves onto a jean jacket? Lion Brand did it. Knitted men’s tie? Grace Ennis did kick-ass argyle ones in the 1940s. Find them on Ebay and then decide if you want to knit the one in the book. Huggy Bear giant hat?

The BBC's Dipsy, 1998.

Maybe trying to translate a movement like punk into knitting is doomed from the start. The internet allows the truly cutting-edge to keep up with fashion trends nearly instantaneously, while the publishing process takes a year or more to go from concept to finished book. Any subversive subculture can find fellow members anonymously on-line without resort to books. And maybe there’s just no getting around the inherent contradiction in providing slickly-packaged instructions for the masses, based on counterculture trends.

I’m a complete whore for knitting books. My knitting library would probably fill you with shock and awe. (Ask my husband.) It’s not very often that I buy a knitting book and don’t keep it. But this one is going back tomorrow.

In the meantime, I wanna be sedated.