I've never had a full-fledged, official Go-Knit-In-Your-Hat Blog Contest before, so here goes.
A long time ago, I came up with this great idea for a brand-new line of greeting cards. The line is called "How I Really Feel" TM and instead of sappy poems that sound like "Duh DA duh da DAH dah, duh DA duh da DAH" they feature pithy messages for real-world relationships. My idea was born out of frustration when shopping for greeting cards for certain, er., difficult family members. I hated buying them cards with inapt sentimental messages that made me feel like a hypocrite. On Father's Day, for example, I was faced with rack upon rack of cards saying "You're the best dad ever!" and "You're more than my pop, you're my best friend!" [gag] What I was really looking for was something like this:
[front of card featuring mallard flying over pond] "Happy Father's Day to my favorite abusive alcoholic!"
[inside of card] "You always sucked as a dad, but you are the only one I'll ever have."
My idea caught on (in my twisted little mind) like wildfire. MIL's birthday?
[front of card featuring pretty vase of flowers] "Even though you threatened to call Child Protective Services on me for no reason when my first child was an infant, I'm still wishing you a happy birthday!
[inside] Because if nothing else, you gave birth to my dear husband."
And for that special sister-in-law:
[front of card with balloons and confetti] "Congrats on your 1000th day without another psychotic break!"
[inside] "You do realize, however, that you'd be much better off if you didn't discontinue the meds against doctor's orders?"
Your mission is clear: email me (at goknitinyourhat [A%T]att[D*OT]net -- you know to take out the extra symbols, right?) with your proposed additions to the "How I Really Feel" TM line, including your email address. I will select one grand winner and a couple of honorable mentions. There will be prizes: for the knitters, some BBF yarn or a good knitting book (I have some extra copies of stuff I got from TNNA last year), and for the non-knitters, erm, I'll think of something. Chocolate, maybe.
Deadline is June 25th at midnight. Only submissions that do NOT appear in the comments will be considered. And when you email me your submission, you agree that I can reproduce it on this blog should I deem it clever enough. There is no limit to the number you can send in, so long as they are original and funny.
Go to it, wags!