Homework time (or why Mommy needs Xanax)

This is how Little Miss does her homework.

Little Miss gets out all her papers and spreads them all over the living room floor.

Me: Do you want to work at your desk? or on the dining room table?
Little Miss: NO! I'm doing it here.
Me: Okay.

Little Miss: [whining] I don't know how to doooo this problemmmmm....
Me: Don't whine; just ask for help.
Little Miss: MOMMY I NEED HELP WITH THIS PROBLEM! [disgusted sigh]
Me: Okay, bring it over and quit yelling.
Little Miss: Why do I have to bring it over???
Me: Because you want me to help you with it?
Little Miss: Why can't I just READ it to you, Mommy?
Me: Okay.
Little Miss: I have to divide 8 dollars up among five people. But 8 doesn't divide by 5. WHAT A STUPID PROBLEM.
Me: Why don't you think about turning the 8 dollars into coins, instead? How many dimes are in a dollar?
Little Miss: EVERYONE knows there are ten. I'm NOT a dummo, Mom.
Me: Okay, so if you had 8 dollars, you could have 8 one-dollar bills OR you could have 80 dimes.
Little Miss: I'm NOT supposed to have 80 dollars. I'm supposed to have 8.
Me: I know, but I'm turning the 8 dollars into dimes. You would have ten dimes for each dollar, so 10 x 8 = 80.
Little Miss: WHAT ARE YOU, A STUPIDIO? I'm supposed to DIVIDE, not MULTIPLY.
Me: Did you just call me stupid?
Little Miss: [murms]
Me: You aren't allowed to call me stupid. If you don't want me to help, I won't.
Little Miss: But how am I going to divide EIGHT DOLLARS FOR FIVE PEOPLE????
Me: Why don't you try dividing 80 dimes among five people?
Little Miss: That's NOT the way I'm supposed to do the problem, Mom. Sheesh.
Me: Well, if you know how to do the problem, why are you asking me for help? Just do it.
Little Miss: BUT EIGHT DOESN"T DIVIDE INTO FIVE!!!!!! ARE YOU STUPID, MOMMY?
Me: Go to your room. Your father can help you with your homework.

[Snit ensues. Little Miss retreats to her room. An hour later, Tom comes home.]

Little Miss (sweet as pie): Mommy wouldn't help me with my homework. Will you?
Me (from other room): Did you tell Daddy how you called me stupid when I tried to help and then had a snit when I told you to go to your room?
Tom: Oh really?
Little Miss (ignoring the peanut gallery): I have eight dollars and I have to divide it up among five people.
Tom: Why don't you turn it into 80 dimes? Then you can divide the 80 dimes among the five people. You can start by giving each person ten dimes. Then you have 30 left. What's 30 divided by 5?
Little Miss: 6?
Tom: Right.
Little Miss: So each person gets 10 plus 6 dimes?
Tom: Right. That's $1.60.
Little Miss: I KNOW, DADDY. DO YOU THINK I'M A DUMMO?