Wednesday, March 11, 2009

My left eye is a slut.

I can't believe I'm not saving this for a "16 Random Things About Me" meme on Facebook, but I have the dubious distinction of having sustained blunt force trauma in my left eye due to getting smacked in the face with a field hockey stick while a freshman in college. I went out for my college's team after loving the sport in high school and someone's backswing hit me in the eye. I was in the hospital for a week with a hyphema (I'm sure WebMD can tell you all about it...) and luckily I suffered no lasting effects except an increased likelihood of getting various nasty things like cataracts and glaucoma.

But understandably, should I ever have any difficulties with that particular eye, I get a little nervous.

Last week, I started to have some problems with my eye. My left eye. They got worse, then a little better, then came back, and after a very unsatisfactory encounter with one of those scheduling "gatekeepers" (No, I don't want to drive 45 minutes into West Philly when the office I've always gone to is five minutes from my house. No, I don't really care what your policy on "emergencies" is. Can you spell your last name for me? So that when I sue your employer for making me drive 45 minutes instead of 5 WITH A BUM EYE so that I die in a twisting wreck of grinding car parts my heirs spell it right on the complaint?)

A smart person suggested that I just go to the office five minutes from my house and ask them to schedule me an appointment, offering to wait. This sounded like a good idea, and lo and behold, it worked. It helped that I uttered what are the opthamological magic words (they are "I'm seing a halo around lights", in case you ever need them; the receptionist kept repeating in a hushed tone, "That's retinal"). I did have to suffer through an hour of Rachael Ray in the waiting room (there's a reason they call her followers "Raytards") and twenty minutes of The View (if Dr. Phil came on, I would have turned off the teevee. Or beat it with a sledgehammer.).

The diagnosis? Optical herpes. (I knew I should never have allowed that truck driver to put his blister-covered penis into my eye!) No, it's not the sexually-transmitted kind, it's the cold sore kind. I figured it must be serious because I am charged with using antiviral eyedrops 7 times a day, and I have a follow-up appointment on Friday and another next week. Also, did I mention my eye hurts?

So once again, I must ask your forbearance if I get a little behinder.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ouch. I hope your eye heals quickly. It sounds not a nice thing to have happen to an eye. Yucky.

subliminalrabbit said...

i've had eye-related injury nightmares (of the dream variety) since i was 3 years old. this... makes me feel for you, girl. wishing you well and keep us informed!

pigbook1 said...

optical herpes. having cold sores that rivaled the plague i can only imagine the pain of having that in your eye! But how do you get that? is it one of those someone touched a door knob, you touched the same doorknob and then brushed hair away from your face sort of things? ouch. Good luck!

Marin (AntiM) said...

I am very sorry for your pain and suffering, but I have to admit that "optical herpes" is my new favourite phrase.

Carol said...

Sure, it's always fun & games until someone loses an eye... (;

anne marie in philly said...

holy $hit, batman! you have my permission to take as much time as you need to recover (not that you needed it anyway...).

have the kute kidlets and charcoal play nurse whilst you heal.

you HAVE to get better before franklin arrives!

PS - word is "vismit"; vision mitigation, perhaps?

delaina said...

I've had a cold sore in my eye- it was jsut from having one on my lip and not being careful enough to keep my fingure out of my eye. also, the Doc told me that for the infection to set in i probably had a tiny scratch or something on my eye and thats what let it in. the good news is that they dont keep coming back like the ones on your lips...or other places (unless you have immune problems)

turtlegirl76 said...

Holy Crap! That just sounds so...sleezy. Have you been ogling the dirty magazines? Didn't your momma teach you never to rub your eyes after? =P

I hope the meds work!

jillian said...

That's both terrible and really funny! A colleague of mine suffered optical herpes last year. The treatment was long but he came through with no lasting damage, and it was a bad case. Good luck with all the eye-dropping!

Liz K. said...

My sister has optical herpes when she was little. Like, 3. I remember many trips to Wills Eye for her at the time, and her eye being really really gross. She's no aftereffects 30 years later, so hopefully, you'll have the same experience.

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you guys out. Srsly.

Bridget said...

And what was your right eye doing during all of this? Huh?

I do hope it all clears up soon. Sounds much worse than a root canal.

Lola and Ava said...

Be glad that they caught it quickly . . . a friend had shingles in his eye (a variation of what you have) and he lost a good percentage of his sight in that eye.

Elizabeth said...

I am wishing you a speedy and complete recovery.

Meanwhile my 14 year old son keeps telling me about a product called the Ninja Remote on ThinkGeek.com. Maybe you can get one before your next trip to the waiting room?

gayle said...

Holy crap! Never heard of such a thing. Sounds strange and painful!
Useful for bumping ahead of people in line, though. "Excuse me, could I go ahead of you? I have optical herpes and I'm overdue for my eyedrops..."

Lisa said...

Oh, I hope you feel better soon...any eye thing is excruciating. I speak from experience, my eyes have a gravitational field all of their own...soccer balls, lacrosse balls, drunk boys elbows...the list goes on.

But an optical STD, really Carol, Dolores will be so impressed/jealous.

Allison said...

How do you know it was his penis?

(Love ya!)

Mel said...

Just your left eye? Penis herpes and cold sore herpes are the same, you know. Of course, you know I still love you anyway and hope it clears up soon. Now you'll need to wear eye condoms, though.

Hedgehog Librarian said...

Ouch! I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope the drops work quickly and the pain goes away.

Sending healing prayers!!

GinkgoKnits said...

Eek! Hope it heals up fast.

WendyKnits said...

Yikes! It sounds funny but never is when an eye is involved. I can believe it freaking hurts!

On another note, did you get the email I sent you a coupla weeks ago? I've had trouble with my email getting through to you in the past . . . they seem to wind up wandering around cyberspace

Ali P said...

Oh you trashy bit o'business! Look at your momma with that eye??!

Seriously Optic Herpes sounds so WRONG! ick ick ick and Poor You!

elizabeth said...

I'm so sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but that trucker comment was hilarious! Hope it clears up soon!

knitandputt said...

my mom had that, she did heal fine, without any loss of sight, but she needed to stay on the medication a long time and they told her it could come back. i wish you good healing.

Mary said...

Sorry to hear about your eye, but your post cracked my up.

Hope you feel better soon!!

Geek Knitter said...

I'm never going to be able to get that picture out of my head.

Ever.

For the rest of my life...

Anonymous said...

Only you could make "optical herpes" funny....but I clearly understand that it is not so funny to you. Take care, get well and your readers will carry on with all good grace.
Love your sock book...just geting into it!
from MT,
Suzanne

Anonymous said...

I hope you get well soon Carol. Like Suzanne in the prior post says, only you can be so funny about something that is worriesome. Take care, good care! Terry

Lisa/knitnzu said...

you made me snort! I cannot write the correct name of the male organ on my blog page and must use subterfuge, such as pen1s. blogger has wordpress beat on that! So I have one eye different than the other, result of forceps trauma during delivery. No problems, I think, but they do have different perscriptions. Since I'm almost 48 (in two days, or by now 1.5 days), I've had some watering eye issues for maybe 8 years. The docs never could say why, oh they're dry, oh maybe you have an infection (and at that point I said I'm just getting over a nasty sinus infection-they gave me antibiotic drops anyhow). Then a while back I learned from SUSAN SOMMERS (gads, can ya believe?) that as we approach menopause, our eyes water because they are dry because of decreasing hormones. What joy. Hope you are feeling better with yours!