Hurry on over to Manolo the Shoeblogger's Never Teh Bride website to read my heartfelt contribution to the Wacky Weddings Contest. Believe it or not, that isn't even the worst wedding story I have to tell: we also attended a wedding in which the bride's brother (who in a stroke of misguided optimism was best man) gave a rambling, twenty-minute toast in which he insulted the bride's housekeeping, accused her of bestiality with a monkey (and hinted that her groom ought therefore to get an AIDS test, thereby proving that he knows jack about medicine), called his own wife ugly ("I carry a photo of my wife with me wherever I go. When I'm out at a bar, I take a look at it, and I know it's time to go home when she starts to look good to me."), and so many more, I've blocked them out of my mind so I can sleep at night. It's the first time I ever saw the guests at a wedding boo a toast to the bride and groom.
But I don't want to be a show-off, or anything.