Holy crap. I did not expect the robust response I had to my first real Go Knit In Your Hat contest: something like 60+ suggested cards. Nor did I expect to hit such a chord with so many people. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Because there were so many good ones -- and it was hard to choose, believe me -- I've decided to pick winners in various categories. I've used only the initials of the winners, to reduce the chance that you'll be tracked down by a bitter Hallmark employee. Today's entries are in the Romantic Relationship category. Well, allegedly romantic.
Prize goes to M. for this lovely anniversary card:
Outside: Happy anniversary to the man who taught me the meaning of true love
Inside: Now could you please go away so that I can find it?
M. wins a copy of Handknit Holidays, by Melanie Falick.
The runners-up (sorry, no prizes for runners-up) are:
(outside): Sorry to hear that your relationship is not working out...
(inside): You can go wank yourself. I am not your sexual backup plan.
(outside): To my dearest one, it's Valentine's Day
(inside): And sleeping with you has turned me quite gay!
(outside): Happy birthday to the man who made me everything I am today...
(inside): Including, apparently, syphillitic.
by Rabbitch (who, it must be said, is not syphillitic.) (Anymore.)
(outside): Best friends forever (with a sepia-toned photo of two little girls wearing floppy straw hats in a field of flowers)
(inside): I guess forever doesn't last as long as it used to. Thanks for stealing my husband; now you're stuck with him!
by C. in Oregon
which puts me in mind of one I'd like to send to someone I know on behalf of a dear friend:
(outside): Congratulations on your marriage to my adultering ex-husband!
(inside): I'm sure he'll be different with you.
Stay tuned, my pretties: more winners are coming tomorrow, including the exceptionally popular Dysfunctional Parent category...