Thursday, February 18, 2010

Homework time (or why Mommy needs Xanax)

This is how Little Miss does her homework.

Little Miss gets out all her papers and spreads them all over the living room floor.

Me: Do you want to work at your desk? or on the dining room table?
Little Miss: NO! I'm doing it here.
Me: Okay.

Little Miss: [whining] I don't know how to doooo this problemmmmm....
Me: Don't whine; just ask for help.
Little Miss: MOMMY I NEED HELP WITH THIS PROBLEM! [disgusted sigh]
Me: Okay, bring it over and quit yelling.
Little Miss: Why do I have to bring it over???
Me: Because you want me to help you with it?
Little Miss: Why can't I just READ it to you, Mommy?
Me: Okay.
Little Miss: I have to divide 8 dollars up among five people. But 8 doesn't divide by 5. WHAT A STUPID PROBLEM.
Me: Why don't you think about turning the 8 dollars into coins, instead? How many dimes are in a dollar?
Little Miss: EVERYONE knows there are ten. I'm NOT a dummo, Mom.
Me: Okay, so if you had 8 dollars, you could have 8 one-dollar bills OR you could have 80 dimes.
Little Miss: I'm NOT supposed to have 80 dollars. I'm supposed to have 8.
Me: I know, but I'm turning the 8 dollars into dimes. You would have ten dimes for each dollar, so 10 x 8 = 80.
Little Miss: WHAT ARE YOU, A STUPIDIO? I'm supposed to DIVIDE, not MULTIPLY.
Me: Did you just call me stupid?
Little Miss: [murms]
Me: You aren't allowed to call me stupid. If you don't want me to help, I won't.
Little Miss: But how am I going to divide EIGHT DOLLARS FOR FIVE PEOPLE????
Me: Why don't you try dividing 80 dimes among five people?
Little Miss: That's NOT the way I'm supposed to do the problem, Mom. Sheesh.
Me: Well, if you know how to do the problem, why are you asking me for help? Just do it.
Little Miss: BUT EIGHT DOESN"T DIVIDE INTO FIVE!!!!!! ARE YOU STUPID, MOMMY?
Me: Go to your room. Your father can help you with your homework.

[Snit ensues. Little Miss retreats to her room. An hour later, Tom comes home.]

Little Miss (sweet as pie): Mommy wouldn't help me with my homework. Will you?
Me (from other room): Did you tell Daddy how you called me stupid when I tried to help and then had a snit when I told you to go to your room?
Tom: Oh really?
Little Miss (ignoring the peanut gallery): I have eight dollars and I have to divide it up among five people.
Tom: Why don't you turn it into 80 dimes? Then you can divide the 80 dimes among the five people. You can start by giving each person ten dimes. Then you have 30 left. What's 30 divided by 5?
Little Miss: 6?
Tom: Right.
Little Miss: So each person gets 10 plus 6 dimes?
Tom: Right. That's $1.60.
Little Miss: I KNOW, DADDY. DO YOU THINK I'M A DUMMO?

25 comments:

Susan said...

Oh my. Was she supposed to divide the $ evenly? Did that come up in the discussion. I would have given each person a penny and then gone out and had a drink///////////no bought some yarn.

Barb B. said...

Your daughter is going to rule the world. You know that, don't you?

Rows Red said...

And this is why children will hear "I can't WAIT until you have kids of your own... I hope they're JUST LIKE YOU!" until the end of time.

I thwarted my mom by committing to being Child Free by Choice when I was 12. She was SO sure I'd cave by now. 20 years later, the joke's on her. :P

You get serious brownie points for maitaining your balance and not going nuclear. Then again, I suppose you get used to it? Still, go you!

Mel said...

Just wait until she hits puberty.

Katinka said...

Oh my gosh, is your daughter 9? Because this is *just* the sort of thing I'd hear from my girl. Ah, the drama...

JelliDonut said...

I like Susan's idea of spending $7.95 on booze and yarn. If we didn't love our kids so much...

Geek Knitter said...

I read you post and laughed my head off.

Then I called my mother and apologized for being such a little drama queen.

Natalie Servant said...

Oh, I'm going to be in trouble. My girl turns 5 next week & I can totally see this scenario happening in a few years. Do you also get, "Why are you telling me? I know everything."?

Deborah said...

I had two girls and remember these conversations well. It is good that you maintain your sense of balance and have a sense of humor cuz I swear that it what got me through it. I agree with Mel, when they hit puberty its even worse but some of those moments we are able to look back on and laugh now believe it or not. You and your daughter will too, just keep your head above water and remember to keep your sense of humor, a seatbelt wouldn't hurt either!

Carol said...

Honestly, some days the only thing that gets me through it relatively sane is the thought "Well, at least this will make a great blog post!"

Kitten With a Whiplash said...

Someday, when she a Little Miss of her own, you can show her this blog post and she will say "Mom, why did you make up this story about me? Everyone will think I'm a dummo"

anne marie in philly said...

OMG...I have a big smile on my face right now...I admire you and tom for not going postal on her butt.

now both of you go have a big glass of wine!

Lisa said...

Okay, I just shot Diet Pepsi out of my nose and my co-workers are looking at me with great concern about my mental health.

Sleeping Si said...

reminds me of me when i would ask for help...

Robin said...

Classic!

Ali P said...

You can tell Little Miss that she's some lucky she's not my kid...just ask my guys!! Nothing turns a 'tude around like the threat of having a size 8 wide violently planted in ones arse. ;oP

Not holding my breath on my Mother Of The Year award...

AmyP said...

Oh my. This entire conversation could have taken place at my house. 6 year old boy here. Somehow it's comforting to know that he's not the only one. =) Enjoy the xanax.

puffthemagicrabbit said...

I'm sorry, but you know I think she totally rocks! You also know that when people tell me my daughter is fantastic I look at them like they are insane... (you should have heard this morning's fit)

I think it would be in everybody's best interest if the 2 of them never meet- therefore they couldn't plan on taking over the world together- could you imagine what kind of dual dictatorship that would be??? (I need more cookies...)

Barb B. said...

By the way, for multiplication and division, I used dried beans. Piles of 10 and all that.

Cause if I used even imaginary dimes, the boys figured the dimes were now theirs to spend. They could lead me by the nose down the garden path with impecable logic on that subject.

My 1 yr. old Grand Baby now shakes her finger at me and says "no, no, no". Sigh.

Lisa said...

Oh my christ, I am so screwed...

Mequet said...

Hahahaha!! Carol, this is SO my daughter. I love her to pieces, but I also regularly want to bash her head into little pieces. My husband says, "does it ever concern you that our daughter is regularly a raging bitch?". Why, yes, Justin. Yes it does.

Bridget said...

I especially like how Tom made the same proposal for solving the problem, and it was acceptable.

Of course in the end, he went too far and incurred her wrath ...

3goodrats said...

I've just realized how terrible I am at math. (And why it's a such good thing I don't have kids.)

=Tamar said...

I notice that he solved three-quarters of the problem for her.
I'd tell her to write it down and make her do the simple division, but I'm mean that way. I'd also give Ali P a really good chance at the Mother of the Year award; her kids have a chance to have friends.

Quilting Mama said...

Thanks for the report. I have one round of this a week between LB and MM. Interesting to hear the kids have the such similar statements regarding their mother's intellect and that daddy's suggestions work so well.
We can only continue to thank God they are healthy and intelligent enough to create reek havoc.