Coming attractions...

It's going to be a little frenetic here through Labor Day, but rest assured that once school starts again, my schedule will normalize. And you know what that means? More posts, and more posts about knitting. To whet your appetite, in coming weeks, Go Knit In Your Hat will present to you

• more No-Bull Book Reviews (I've got some good ones in the queue, including Twisted Sisters' new book, and Veronik Avery's book is on its way to me on a UPS truck even as we speak. Which reminds me: it's now officially on sale;
• a special guest appearance by Donna Druchunas, author of Arctic Lace and the forthcoming Ethnic Knitting, devoted to the knitting traditions of the Netherlands, Denmark, Norway and the Andes;
  
• the long-awaited tour of the bomb shelter in my backyard;
• a new GKIYH series of posts on a Topic To Be Announced Soon;
  

and whatever else my twisted little mind can come up with. In the meantime, see if you can figure out why this lovely memorial to deceased sailors



is attached to a fence that surrounds a filthy dumpster full of stinking garbage. (Every time a tourist throws a salt water taffy wrapper in this dumpster, they say a prayer for those mariners that never made it home to steal the chocolate ones out of the box because nothing's worse than the last stale peach-flavored taffy nobody else wanted...).

Hmmm...

do you think I'm taking too many photos of the children?

P.S. Today, no lie, the chick one blanket over was reading a DIET book.

Guilt Trip

So I'm settled in on the beach, having just polished off a nice hot dog for lunch. Out of the corner of my eye, I see two women walk up carrying . . . barbells?

How clever! I think. They are going to use those barbells to weigh down the edges of their beach blanket! A little unusual, but I get it.

Then an hour-long regimen of calisthenics began. Here's some leg lifts:

Don't forget the abs work, ladies:

Me? I'm gonna have another hot dog.

Play list for driving with a rabbit to the Jersey Shore

1. "White Rabbit" -- Jefferson Airplane
2. Bunny Hop

3. Bunny Wailer Sings the Wailers.

4. "I am getting Loony Toony, touched in the head..." (Anne Marie knows that one, I'm sure)

5. Here Comes Peter Cottontail

6. Eddie Rabbitt Echo and the Bunnymen

Milestone

Yesterday, I reached an exciting milestone: I Fed-Exed the last garment I had to design and knit for the book. It's been a frantic few weeks of knitting, but to make this an even more satisfying moment, the last sweater I finished was my favorite. I really, really want to make one for myself.

I've already learned a lot during the course of this project, which I summarize for you before turning to the logistical challenge of taking three children, a neat-freak husband and a fluffy bunny to the beach for a week.

What I've Learned Thus Far About Writing A Knitting Book

1. The set of projects in your proposal may bear only a passing resemblance to the projects which actually appear in the book. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

2. Your finished projects may look a hell of a lot different from your mind's-eye view of how they would look. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

3. No matter how early you start or how detailed your plans, things will not be done as quickly as they ought to be.

4. No matter how early you start or how detailed your plans, there will be unfortunate incidents that set you back.

Corrollary to 3 & 4: Everything will take much, much longer than you think it will.

5. For me, at least, sometimes you just need to see the actual garment in person before you can decide if it looks right, and, if not, what needs to be fixed.

6. Having a tick-borne disease, the primary symptoms of which are fatigue and sore joints, is a cruel cosmic joke when you are trying to write a knitting-design book.

7. A good editor is worth her weight in cashmere.

8. A good test knitter is worth her weight in qiviut.

9. When Ann Budd emails you to say "that sweater is really lovely", it helps to put on a pair of Depends because (a) you're talking to Ann Budd and (b) getting a compliment from her makes you want to pee your pants.

No-Bull Book Review Twofer: Easy Baby Knits & Easy Knits for Little Kids

Okay, I apologize for my brief panic attack the other day. I've blocked sweaters in the round before -- but never for a Book. And I truly appreciate all the excellent suggestions, both in the comments and in private emails. I'm concerned that a wooly board (sp?) won't be as helpful for sweaters that are knit, say, yoke style or with raglan seams, and also that it'll be harder to take into account waist shaping, as much as I love the idea of a beautiful wooden object that has a long history in the Shetland Isles. But enough about me.

Before I do today's review, be sure to check out the kewl article about my favorite cro-shay maven, the silver-tongued Kathy Merrick.

Now on to the main event.

So many books to review! Not nearly enough time! Today I present a No-Bull Book Review Twofer, featuring two books with children's knitting patterns. These two books seemed to naturally go together: they are written by British knitwear designers, they are focused on young children's garments, and they feature the word "Easy" in the title. A match made in heaven.

I should warn you that when it comes to books devoted to knitting for kids, I have a slightly different set of standards. Kids grow fast and unlike an adult sweater, which can be worn indefinitely (barring, say, moths, or a dramatic change in your physique, as the newly-buff Coco Schiaparelli von Furstenburg can attest to), kids' garments tend to last only one, maybe two, seasons. So quick-knitting and easy patterns make sense for kids in ways that don't necessarily apply to adults.




Keeping this in mind, today we take a look at Easy Baby Knits, by Claire Montgomerie (Ryland Peters & Small 2007), and Easy Knits for Little Kids: 20 Great Hand-Knit Designs for Children Aged 3-6, by Catherine Tough (C&T Publishing 2007).



As you might expect, the former contains patterns in sizes for babies from newborn to about 2-3 years, while the latter contains patterns for preschool-aged children.

Easy Baby Knits is written by Claire Montgomerie, a textile designer and teacher in Britain. Montgomerie began knitting and crocheting in earnest at age 18, although she'd learned as a child; she is a weaver as well as a designer for knitwear companies. She has her own line of kids' accessories and toys called "Monty," sold in Great Britain. You may recognize Catherine Tough's name if you are a Rowan fan: she has designed for them in recent years. She is a graduate of the Royal College of Art, has written one previous book and has her own knitwear design company.

The books have a similar feel: they are paperback, about 128 pages, with lots of pictures of fresh-faced tots. Both books feature good photography, including multiple shots of garments, some close-up and some full frontal (if you'll pardon the expression), with backgrounds that aren't busy or distracting. And both are full of simple designs that rely on the use of color changes, a few basic stitch patterns (mainly garter stitch and stockinette, with some moss stitch and a few others), contrasting trim, and uncomplicated lines.

Easy Baby Knits contains patterns for newborns through about two to three years, with finished sweater sizes ranging from 17.5 inches to 28.5 inches, depending on the pattern. (Some are written with younger babies in mind, while others size up all the way to 24 months). A number of the accessories and non-clothing items are written for one size, like the booties. The designs have gauges that range from 5 to 7 stitches per inch, and the items are shown knitted in lovely yarns, Debbie Bliss and Rowan/RYC, mostly.




The book is divided into three sections; first comes a sizeable how-to-knit refresher course, with lots of technical photos. I'm not usually a fan of how-to-knit sections in pattern books, thinking that a newbie is better off buying a more comprehensive reference and instead, letting pattern books contain as many garment designs as possible. Still, this book is definitely made for the beginner knitter (I suppose some folks take up knitting when someone in the family is expecting a baby) or for the person who used to knit a long time ago but is rusty (read: Grandparents). In either case, how-to-knit instructions make more sense.




The book's orientation toward inexperienced knitters is reflected in the patterns as well. There are two pattern sections, one devoted to clothing; the other to toys and accessories. You'll find about eighteen or so designs:

• a baby scarf (aren't they a strangulation hazard?)
• a "papoose"
• 5 sweaters and/or jackets
• a dress
• 2 hats
  
• 1 set of overalls (very similar to the dress)
  
• 2 bootie patterns (one with thumbless "scratch" mittens)
• 2 blankets
• soft building blocks
• a bib and
  
• a stuffed rabbit.

Have I mentioned that the patterns are very easy and very simple? For example, the scarf is simply a garter-stitch rectangle done in stripes of two colors. The "papoose" (I'll leave a discussion of the political correctness of the name to the Native American Anti-Defamation League) is a garter-stitch rectangle with the corner sewn down to form a sort of hood. The first sweater in the book consists of two T-shaped pieces knit in -- you guessed it -- garter stitch, while one hat pattern is a simple circular stockinette-stitch cap with alternating colored stripes, knit flat and seamed up the back. Get the idea?

The patterns I liked the most were these Mary Jane-styled booties




and this double-breasted knit coat/sweater.





Perfectly nice and attractive garments, suitable for new or rusty knitters, though nothing particularly creative or eye-catching. An advanced knitter, particularly one who can easily design his/her own patterns, is unlikely to need or want patterns as basic as most of these, so let the buyer beware.

Easy Knits for Little Kids is directed at a slightly older population of kids, those from around three to six years of age. The sweaters, along with a dress and skirt, basically come in small, medium and large sizes, which correspond to ages 3-4 yrs, 4-5 yrs and 5-6 yrs respectively. The actual finished chest measurement of the garments varies from 23.5 inches to a whopping 32 inches in the case of one sweater. Even taking into account extra ease for a comfortable kid fit, the sizing is pretty generous.




There are just over twenty patterns in the book, many of which are single-size items like hats or pillows. Here's the breakdown:

• 3 sweaters
• 1 dress
• 1 skirt
• 2 hats
• 1 pr of socks (in his and hers variants)
  
• 3 scarves
• 1 wristwarmers and 1 mittens
• 2 pillows
• 1 robe
• 1 each of miscellaneous non-clothing items, including a large doll (named Fred), a roll-up mat, animal slippers, a patchwork throw, pen and toy holders, a chair pad and bag (in his and hers variants).

Gauges tend to be DK weight and thicker, and all the patterns are shown in lovely Rowan and Jaeger (sniffle) yarns. They would be easy to substitute, however.



The book features color everywhere -- lots of color photos, color on the pages -- giving it a fun and whimsical look. (In contrast, Easy Baby Knits takes a more muted pastel approach.) Sadly, there are no schematics (although I suppose since these are relatively basic patterns, that's less unfortunate than it would otherwise be).



Overall, I found the patterns to be colorful, charming, and cute but not excessively cutesy-poo. I'd love to make the Swing Jacket, the jumper and the skirt for G., for starters, and the His/Hers Frog/Bunny sweaters are cute, too, although my twins may be getting a teeny bit old for the animal motifs. (We'll have to see how jaded they get in kindergarten this fall.) The patterns do look to be basic and fairly quick-knitting. There's nothing exceptionally fancy about the styling -- no fair isle or intricate cabling, although one sweater features big cables -- and so these would be well within the province of a less experienced knitter.



In light of the discussion earlier in the week about the bona fides of knitting-book authors, I feel constrained to point out that the author of Easy Knits for Little Kids identifies herself in the introduction as not being terribly skilled at handknitting. No need for us to rehash that discussion here; you can decide whether that matters to you, and only time -- and the experience of knitters -- will tell us how accurate and user-friendly these patterns are.

To sum up, these are two books with simple, easy items designed for children. They each have a certain charm, the Catherine Tough book appealing more to me than the Claire Montgomerie book, and the patterns are lovingly photographed in high-quality yarns. If you've got a book of kid's knitting patterns by Debbie Bliss or RYC or Louisa Harding, you'll want to think twice about purchasing either book sight unseen. The patterns are cute and sweet -- and did I mention they were easy and simple? -- but you may not find too much that is drastically different from other kid's knitting patterns. On the other hand, if you're looking for fairly mindless patterns that'll knit up quick for a young child you love, or you're an inexperienced knitter without an extensive pattern library, then take a look.

Art show

Frantically finishing the last sweater, and when my fingers need a rest, I've been doing some book reviews. (I'm hoping to post one in the next day or two.) In the meantime, our first photo shoot for the book was yesterday, and we've been told it went really well. (Phew.)

In the meantime, enjoy with me the lovely art of my five-and-a-half year old twins from cubism week at art camp:



Inspired by Erik Carle's Very Hungry Caterpillar.



Chagall-inspired mixed media by N.



Picasso-esqure portrait by G.



and Mondrian collage by G.

How do you block a sweater knit in the round?

Gimme your best ideas.
Please.
My Google search was less than fulfilling and I don't own a Wooly board. (Yet.)

Curious.

I was looking through a new knitting book the other day, and I came across this in the introduction:

Although I have been designing machineknitting for some years, I am not the world's greatest handknitter, so the patterns in this book are all for people like me -- who like beautiful designs, but are a little lacking in handknitting skills....

Later, in the notes, the author thanks So-and-So for "pattern writing."

Now apart from the fact that I'd love to get me one of these gigs -- I think up the designs and let someone else struggle with the patterns -- this struck me as a bit odd. From a common-sense standpoint, wouldn't you think that a book of handknitting patterns would of necessity be written by someone who is an experienced and excellent handknitter? And if you were a publisher, wouldn't you want to hire only good handknitters to write books on handknitting?

I thought about it further, and wondered if maybe "fashion" is different. Maybe if you are a designer of certain prominence, it is considered enough to have a vision or design style that you can sketch out, letting someone else worry about the logistics of how to make it. For example, if you're Isaac Mizrahi, is your name brand recognition sufficient ("This is an Isaac Mizrahi design!") even if you don't know a lot about how handknitting works?

I also wondered whether machineknitting is so closely related to handknitting that it doesn't matter. I've never done machineknitting, so it's hard for me to know. (On the other hand, I'd never try to write a book on machineknitting.) But if the distinction between machine- and handknitting doesn't matter, then why does the author go out of her way to point out that she is good at one but not the other?

When I think about all the things I've learned about handknitting over the years, and think about all the things I have yet to learn, this strikes me as very curious indeed.

What do you think?

Psst: want a free sock pattern by moi?

Then go to Rosie's Knitting Circle website. It's part of the Socksational July celebration at Rosie's. I don't know if the pattern will be up indefinitely, so don't delay. If you're in the neighborhood, stop by and see what other goodies Courtney's got on sale. (Word has it that fall stuff, including Noro, has started arriving. Yum.) And a huge shout-out to my wonderful, wonderful test knitter who did such a super job on the sample! (She knows who she is...)

If you can't make it, a large BBF update



just went live about five minutes ago.

I'm hoping to get back on a more normal schedule in coming weeks. And look for some more patented, trademarked No-Bull Book Reviews coming soon...

Bye-bye, Jaeger. (Sniffle.)

I just heard what I had suspected might happen for a while but was hoping I was wrong about: Jaeger Yarns is kaput. The Jaeger brand is being discontinued. I was particularly partial to the Extra Fine Merino stuff -- in fact, one of the sweaters in our book is knit of it -- but I also liked Matchmaker Merino, and have many Jaeger pattern booklets in my knitting library. I suppose the popularity of RYC Yarns made Jaeger less relevant, and if I were looking at it as a hard-hearted businessperson, I'd probably agree that the Jaeger line had become redundant. You can find a good quality yarn in the Rowan or RYC lines that does just about everything Jaeger yarns do. Rowan seems to be focusing on the younger, trendier set, while RYC appeals squarely to the next age group up, and Jaeger -- perhaps directed to the professional woman? -- seemed to flounder without a clear target audience. Recent dabbles in more novelty-ish style yarns (like Jaeger "Fur") didn't cut it either.

The good news, I suppose, is that you'll be able to stock your stash with oodles of great yarn at discounted prices. And the existence of RYC certainly sweetens the pill. But you'll have to excuse me for a minute while I light a candle (a flipflop votive?) in honor of the passing of a fine line of mostly natural-fiber yarns with excellent pattern support. [Insert "God Save The Queen" music here.]

Mixed Bag

This Kute Kid Story will give you a sense of where my head's at this week:

Child criticizes mother's grammar.
Exasperated Mother: I don't feel like being constantly corrected by a five-year-old!
Child: Five-and-a-half.

It's a crazy time chez Go Knit In Your Hat. The last book deadline is July 31st, and I've got a sweater -- at 7 sts to the inch -- to finish, and some text to write, and some patterns to draft. (Stop snickering.) The first photo shoot is August 1st through 3rd, which is extremely exciting.

Also exciting is the fact that Reynolds has commissioned me to do two sweater patterns and a sock pattern for their Spring '08 collection. So get yer asses to thy local knitting shop and buy some Reynolds yarn... Soft Sea Wool anyone? Whiskey? Revue? And I'm sure there are some new yarns coming soon for fall from our friends in Montreal, which I shall endeavour to tell you about if my sources come through with preview info. (V.? M.?)

In the meantime, the kids are all at day camp this week (N. and G. are at a morning art camp learning about... cubism. Do you believe it? I'm sure I was 35 before I understood cubism.) and I'm frantically preparing a Black Bunny Fibers update for this Friday. Sock yarn, one straggler of alpaca/silk laceweight, and some rovings. I'm still waiting for some more silk and some wool/silk blend (like Liz's Clapotis) to arrive.

And if you haven't heard about FibreFest North (is there a FibreFest South?) check it out. A weekend of fiber stuff -- knitting, spinning, maybe even some crochet? -- in lovely Ontario. I'm going, along with Mar and Fredda (we have a jacuzzi in our room -- rare and handy indeed) and I hope to see at least a few of you there.

Last but not least, it's Socksational July at Rosie's Yarn Cellar. Word on the street is that a fresh batch of Lorna's Laces has arrived (mmm!) and I'm sending Tom, a.k.a. Errand Boy in tomorrow with some BBF superwash merino and merino/silk. Courtney says there are also some great sales on top quality sock yarn to make room for fall (like Trekking, one of my faves), so stop by or call the shop. Maybe Courtney will entice Tom into bringing home some Lorna's Laces for me to knit -- I owe the poor man a pair of socks (or twelve).

Be back soon

As the old Chinese proverb says:

Better to light a single flip-flop



than to curse the darkness.

Off to the baby shower

but at least the baby sweater is finished.



Louisa Harding's Geordie Baby Jacket, knit in Plymouth Encore (purchased at Rosie's Yarn Cellar).

My mother told me an unbelievable story -- yet it did, indeed, happen, for my mom is simply not the type of person to make this kind of thing up -- about attending a baby shower in which one of the party games consisted of being given a disposable diaper, lemonade and chocolate candy. A prize was awarded to the guest who created the ickiest-looking faux doody diaper.

Rest assured that I will give you full details of any such hijinx upon my return.

June Book Report

This month I benefitted greatly from the recommendations of my readers (See nos. 1 & 3; also somebody recommended Ruth Rendell a while back). Thanks! And keep 'em coming.

1. The Welsh Girl by Peter Ho Davies. Romance between a German POW and a local Welsh girl set in the waning days of WWII. I enjoyed it.

2. Firewall by Henning Mankell. Another Kurt Wallender mystery, this time involving a computerized attempt to attack the global economy. Spare and suspenseful.

3. Complications: A Surgeon's Notes on an Imperfect Science by Atul Gawande. A surgeon ruminates on the medical system and his experiences -- good, bad, frightening, frustrating -- as a resident in surgery. Thanks to Dr. Mel for recommending this one! Scary in some respects (necrotizing fascitis - gah!) but reassuring in others.

4. He Who Fears the Wolf (Inspector Sejer Mysteries) by Karin Fossum. Continuing the Scandinavian detective theme. Oddly, I really wanted to knit a Dale sweater after reading these...

5. The Rottweiler by Ruth Rendell. A creepy psychological mystery from the master of creepy psychological mysteries.

Last batch of contest winners

Sorry I've been so erratic in posting lately. I'm having a bad patch with my tick-ness. But that's no reason to deprive you of the last batch of contest winners (first runners-up, then prize winner). We've got an eclectic mix today and since I feel like crap, I'm going to skip the happy chat and get right to it.*

Bereavement

Outside: In greatest sympathy
Inside: Death sucks.
(H.T.)

Workplace

Outside (drawing of perfect suburban home, station wagon, 2.5 kids and family dog) : We would like to wish you a happy birthday.
Inside: But quite frankly, we are fed up with your behavior thinking you can mistreat us because of what happened in your household growing up. If you don't cut it out, we will take legal action.
(Coco Schiaparelli Von Furstenburg)

Post-it Notes
"From the desk of: Asshole"

Pink Message Pads
While you were out:
You should have stayed out!

(both courtesy of some truly Irish person -- brilliant tie-in!)

Illness

(outside) Sorry to hear you're still in the hospital...
(inside) We were really hoping it was terminal.
(Rabbitch)

New Baby

(outside) We are happy to announce our commitment
(inside) To living in sin with the birth of a bastard.
(C.K.)

Outside: A new baby!
Inside: Just what the world needs! Another psychopath in the making.
(that same truly Irish person)

Wedding/Anniversary

Outside: On your wedding day
Inside: We celebrate the holy union of two souls, half a brain and the same blood-lines. Please don't procreate.
(Just a Knit Wit)

Miscellaneous

For the special graduate:
Outside: Congratulations on your amazing achievement!
Inside: Especially amazing considering the amount of drugs and alcohol you consumed when you were supposed to be studying.
(J.O.)

For that milestone birthday:
Outside: Happy 40th Birthday!
Inside: Today we celebrate that your life is half-over. Wow, haven't accomplished much, have you?

For the newly-minted Ph.D:
Outside: Congrats on your Ph.D.!
Inside: That'll look great on your McDonald's paystubs.
(both courtesy of Just a Knit Wit)

For the mom of your kid's schoolmates:
Outside: Great job on the bake sale!
Inside: While you were out, I slept with your husband.
(N.)

And today's prize -- a skein of BBF superwash sock yarn -- goes to W. for the aptly-named "For My Adult Brother on the Occasion of His Birthday":

Oh Brother dear, to you I must say,

You are a pain in the rear ‘most every day.

You were nasty and evil when we were young,

But as mom’s little angel, your praises she sung.

This only grew worse and became quite a bore,

As I got saddled with family chores.

Take Mom to the doctor, wash Grandma’s hair,

While you fucked around – so very unfair.

But Brother dear, I hold no big grudge,

Although I’m stuck being the family drudge.

For I am executor of the parents’ estate,

And I’ve got an idea I think is just great.

When the parents expire and I take control,

I’ll diddle the numbers in my executrix role.

And with a smile that is bright and sunny,

I will cheat you out of your half of the money.

Happy birthday!

Thanks, everyone!


*I'm too dull-witted to figure out how to show you the only multimedia entry I got; maybe Joe can help me later.

Update: Monday July 9th in early afternoon

Some superwash sock yarns, a few alpaca/silk laceweight and one or two merino/silk. It's been slow going here at Chez Black Bunny...

More winning contest entries

Let's turn now to parents, in particular, the dysfunctional kind. I think I did it backward last time, so today we'll put the prizeless Runners-Up first:

Outside: To my Parents
Inside: If it weren't for you, I'd be an orphan.
(H.T.)

Outside: To my parents: Thanks for the memories...
Inside: The ones I am desperately trying to repress.
(H.T.)

Outside: [picture of fairy tale princess] Dear Stepmother, you taught me that fairy tales really can come true!
Inside: I've got my happy ending, and you're a lonely bitch.
(E.A.)

Outside: [picture of mom warmly hugging children] Every child needs a mom who loves and cares for them.
Inside: But since you can't find it in your cold evil heart to do either, you shall die all alone and forgotten in some unregulated nursing home, but even that might be too good for you.
(W.Y.)

Outside: Happy Mother's Day!
Inside: Hmm, I guess that whole "step on a crack" thing doesn't really work.
(T.C.)

Outside: Happy Father's Day to the man who gave me life...
Inside: ... a nifty scar above my eye, low self-esteem and twenty years of therapy bills. Yours were truly the gifts that kept on giving! P.S. Dr. Rosenberg says "Thanks for the Mercedes."
(L.M.-W.)

Outside: On Mother's Day. Remember when you said you should have squeezed your legs shut?
Inside: Thanks for spreading 'em, Ma.

Prize winner in the Dysfunctional Parent division goes to Big Alice, for this sentiment (which I heartily endorse):

Outside: For my dear Mother-in-Law: A toast on your birthday!
Inside: Because really we both get along much better when we're drunk.

Email me, Big Alice, and I'll give you your choice of prizes.

One more batch tomorrow, including siblings and new babies...

Blog Contest Winners -- part 1

Holy crap. I did not expect the robust response I had to my first real Go Knit In Your Hat contest: something like 60+ suggested cards. Nor did I expect to hit such a chord with so many people. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Because there were so many good ones -- and it was hard to choose, believe me -- I've decided to pick winners in various categories. I've used only the initials of the winners, to reduce the chance that you'll be tracked down by a bitter Hallmark employee. Today's entries are in the Romantic Relationship category. Well, allegedly romantic.

Prize goes to M. for this lovely anniversary card:
Outside: Happy anniversary to the man who taught me the meaning of true love
Inside: Now could you please go away so that I can find it?

M. wins a copy of Handknit Holidays, by Melanie Falick.

The runners-up (sorry, no prizes for runners-up) are:

(outside): Sorry to hear that your relationship is not working out...
(inside): You can go wank yourself. I am not your sexual backup plan.
by D.P.

(outside): To my dearest one, it's Valentine's Day
(inside): And sleeping with you has turned me quite gay!
by KnitWit

(outside): Happy birthday to the man who made me everything I am today...
(inside): Including, apparently, syphillitic.
by Rabbitch (who, it must be said, is not syphillitic.) (Anymore.)

and

(outside): Best friends forever (with a sepia-toned photo of two little girls wearing floppy straw hats in a field of flowers)
(inside): I guess forever doesn't last as long as it used to. Thanks for stealing my husband; now you're stuck with him!
by C. in Oregon

which puts me in mind of one I'd like to send to someone I know on behalf of a dear friend:
(outside): Congratulations on your marriage to my adultering ex-husband!
(inside): I'm sure he'll be different with you.

Stay tuned, my pretties: more winners are coming tomorrow, including the exceptionally popular Dysfunctional Parent category...

Happy 4th of July to our Amurrican friends!

(Now I've got to get the red, white and blue sequined tiara back to my favorite drag queen before she kicks my ass.)

Okay, I lied.

Please excuse us while we experience technical difficulties. We hope to return to our normal posting schedule very soon.

The times, they are a-changin'

Conversation at lunch, during an extensive discussion of The Little Mermaid:

G: I like Prince Eric's dog.
Mommy: Oh yeah, the big hairy one. What's his name again?
G: I don't know. [looks downcast]
Mommy: Don't worry, hon, we can find out the dog's name.
G: [emoting] How, Mama, how? How can we find out his name?
N: I know how to find out his name. Google it.

My five-year-old son has grasped something that has eluded eighty percent of the adult members of any message board on the Internet.

God, I love my kids.


Next post: Blog Contest Winners

I'm a little late (and maybe a little sappy?)

For all of those who've been discriminated against
Who have been bullied or teased by other kids
Who have to go to a different jurisdiction to marry the love of their life
Who have to keep their family and romantic life secret
Who are whispered about and speculated upon
Who are denied access to health care and deprived of legal decisionmaking for their partner
Who have been told they are going to hell
Who have been rejected by their or their partner's relatives or friends
Who have been stereotyped
Who have been the victim of violence and/or emotional abuse
Who have to adopt their own kids
Who've lost a job or an apartment or a church or a friend
Just because of who they are...

I'm sorry.
And I'm proud to be on your side.

Happy Gay Pride Weekend.

(Thanks to Ted for the reminder.)

No-Bull Book Review: Wrapped in Comfort: Knitted Lace Shawls, by Alison Jeppson Hyde

I hadn't heard that another lace shawls book was coming out until I saw a preview for Wrapped in Comfort: Knitted Lace Shawls, by Alison Jeppson Hyde, while surfing the internet.


I will confess that I am not familiar with Hyde's work. Her blog is here but despite some Googling, I haven't found any specific information about her prior designs. (There are some free patterns on Hyde's blog/website, if you are interested.) Wrapped in Comfort is hot off the presses; it is a paperback, MSRP $24.95 (available at the time of this writing between $18 and $19 via the link), color, and approximately 80 pages. The book is published by Martingale Press.

I'll get straight to the point: this book contains 12 patterns for circular lace shawls and 4 patterns for rectangular lacy scarves.



All of the shawls are shaped as nearly full circles, with an opening for the head and a slit down the front for wrapping, like so:



(as opposed to the kind that are a true circle and draped or folded when worn). So if you don't care to knit circular lace shawls, be aware that's all you're going to find (with the exception of the four scarves) in this book.*



If you love circular shawls, then you'll definitely want to take a look. The shawls are done in yarns that range from sportweight to laceweight. Several of the patterns are done in an alpaca from a small northwestern alpaca farm and were dyed or overdyed by Hyde. If you like to use exactly the same kind and color of yarn as the sample, this will present a bit of a problem for you. Me, I think it is extremely easy to substitute yarns, particularly for a shawl where gauge and exact fit is less of a concern. There are many, many yarns from sport- to laceweight out there that are more easily obtainable and would be perfect for these patterns, but I mention this in case it's a nonstarter for some.



I will be honest and say that it's very difficult for me to make more specific comments about the designs; yes, there is a repetitiveness to the fact that they are all shaped exactly the same way, but on the other hand, it's the nature of a very specific type of garment. I don't feel like I have the extensive laceknitting experience needed to accurately comment about, for example, whether an average knitter will find these challenging or easy, or whether a die-hard laceknitter will find these original or not. I recognized one variant of Feather and Fan, and some other stitch patterns from Barbara Walker's treasuries (and don't worry, intellectual property-heads; they were attributed in the book). Maybe some of my esteemed readers can help me out if they become familiar with the specific patterns.



One of the other significant things about this book is its very anecdotal nature -- folksy, one might say. The book begins with a page titled "My Story," containing autobiographical information in a chatty, personal style. Each pattern is preceded by a full-page explanation of how the item was inspired, for whom it was knit, and why. So here's your second caveat: if you like folksy, conversational books with lots of personal anecdotes about the designer's inspiration and loved ones, you'll find a lot to enjoy. If you don't, it's easy enough to skip those pages, focusing on the patterns.



Finally, it's also worth mentioning that the book features a brief tips section for laceknitting, discussing blocking, shape, diagramming yarnovers and decreases, and a paragraph or two on designing one's own circular shawls.

Wrapped in Comfort is typical of Martingale books: full color, paperback binding, lots of charts, clear printing, styling and models that seem more girl-next-door than fashion model. The sensibility isn't as contemporary or urban as, say, Teva Durham's recent book. There are lots of color photos, including an overview of each shawl, blocked and spread out so you can see the overall effect of the lace; there are also inset photos that show close-ups of the pattern stitches. Kudos for both of those thoughtful touches. Each design is given in both chart and written-out form, also a thoughtful touch so that no matter which you prefer, conversion is unnecessary. The patterns are also graded by skill level to help the knitter choose and joy of joys! because they are shawls, sizing is not necessary (although Hyde does suggest that a shawl's size can be increased by using thicker yarn).



You might complain that a MSRP of twenty-five bucks is a bit steep for only 16 designs and eighty pages, but considering the amount of work involved in the design and knitting process, I think that would be ungracious. These are time-intensive to design, knit and proofread, and so I don't think the price is at all unreasonable.



All in all, a tentative thumbs-up for Wrapped in Comfort: A thumbs-up because these are technically challenging or interesting patterns; they were labor-intensive to design and knit; and the author has created lovely lacy works, eschewing the fast and easy; tentative only because the appeal of the book largely depends on how you feel about circular lace shawls, and whether you'll like these particular ones.


*Given the small number of scarves, and their relative lack of complexity, I wouldn't suggest buying the book for the scarves alone.

New knitting friends -- and some helpful hints (one knitting, one not)

I have never really belonged to a knitting group. Mostly because my commitments -- first a time-intensive job, then labor-intensive kids -- have made it hard for me to consistently attend. And I love the folks at Rosie's knitting circle, but just can't get into the city by 6 p.m. on a weeknight to go there on a regular basis.

So when Liz asked me to come to the knitting group founded by the inimitable Anne Marie in Philly, I was excited. Now, those of you who don't know me, and even some of you who do, may be surprised to know I have a teeny touch of social phobia. [stop the snickering] I find myself a bit nervous meeting a group of new people, self-conscious, and all that. What made meeting this group such a pleasure was that I immediately felt very comfortable and at home with them. This is my shout-out to them, thanking y'all for welcoming me to your group. I hope it will become "our" group soon...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

The projects that I'm working on right now -- one knitting, one home -- have inspired me to share with you two helpful hints. The first is knitting-related: blocking is a gift from the gods. Many of you already know this, but if there are any new knitters out there, trust me on this one: you need to block your stuff. There are many tutorials and how-tos both on-line and in the knitting literature (Mar's Blocking for Blockheads is my fave) so I won't waste time telling you how. But every time I block, it's like another little miracle. I am blocking some sweater pieces and assembling them, and the before and after is amazing. I recently obtained a set of blocking wires, which I had been procrastinating about getting, and they are a huge help. Put them on your knitter's Christmas (Hannukah, Eid, Winter Solstice) wish list. And block, dammit!

My non-knitting helpful hint involves stripping wallpaper. Yes, it's a wretched job, isn't it? We are converting what used to be the twins' shared bedroom into one for N. and the one next door for G. The wallpaper is suitable for babies but not kids who proudly tell you that they are not merely five, but five and a half. Having steamed many, many walls of wallpaper -- when we bought it, our house had been untouched since the Nixon administration -- I have discovered the best way to steam wallpaper is to get a cheap warm-mist vaporizer (less than ten bucks at Target) and direct the flow of the steam onto the paper. You have to move it around the room slowly, and elevate it on boxes to get the steam up high, but after about 20 minutes of steam you'll be able to peel the wallpaper right off, with most of the glue. It's better than trying to razor it off, it's better than those gel or liquid glue removers, it's better than painting over it and it isn't as messy. And it's not stinky or chemical-y.

Now I'm off to sneak a whole bunch of outgrown toys to the twins' nursery school for a donation. Nothing more excellent than getting rid of stuff you don't need on the first day of summer. (Or winter, if you're M-H.)

Add another project to the queue

I got invited to a baby shower yesterday. Normally, I love the idea of a new baby in the world -- it's a vote for the future, as T.'s dad often says -- but this baby is, sadly, being born under a bit of a shadow. The father (putative father?) is a good-hearted soul but one of those excessively unmotivated people. The mother is, um, well, let's just say that she is not what you dream of for your son's baby-mommy. The baby wasn't planned.

In fact, this whole thing would be a perfect scenario for a How I Really Feel card: [cover with baby rattle] Congratulations on your new baby! [Inside] Mind giving the infant a paternity test? or [cover with baby basinette] Wishing you well on the birth of your son! [inside] In his honor, I have bought fifty shares in the Trojan corporation. or [cover with baby bottle] A new baby! [inside] Now will you get your tubes tied?

Looking at the bright side, this does present a wee baby to knit for. And my heart aches for this baby, being brought into a world that is already fucked up, to one parent who doesn't particularly want a baby and another who looks at the baby as a way to prevent her boyfriend from dumping her. Babies deserve to be born into families that want them for their own sake, into a stable and loving environment.

So I've really got to knit this kid something.

This presents a bit of a dilemma, given that the shower is in a couple of weeks and I'm cutting it really close as it is for my June 30th deadlines. It's gotta be something quick -- really quick -- yet cute, and it's gotta be in Encore.

Just keep your fingers crossed I don't throw a pack of baby-blue-colored condoms into the Wishing Well.

A message for my kids

Dear Kids:

Today is Father's Day and so I am going to tell you a little bit about your dad. You may think you know all about him, but you don't, not really. You probably don't realize yet what a wonderful father he is, but I hope you will someday. I don't have a great relationship with my dad: he has a lot of problems that he's never worked out and it stopped him from being the best dad he could be. It makes me more happy than you can understand to know that you are experiencing a completely different kind of fatherhood than I did.

Before Daddy and I got married, I wasn't even sure I wanted to have kids. I didn't know how I was going to combine having kids and being a lawyer, and I wasn't sure I would be able to be the kind of mom I wanted to be. Daddy and I talked about it, and he said, "Of course we have to have kids. What else is there?" And he said, "You'll be a great mom. Anybody who loves their cat as much as you do can't help but be a great mom." His complete certainty and confidence about it helped me work through my doubts.

You probably have heard me talk about hard it was for me to get pregnant. Daddy and I went to the doctor a lot to find out if they could help us. Daddy never complained, even when they did icky tests and took blood. He went with me when I had icky tests and had to give blood. And when we went through the second round of tests after J. was born, he would make sure he was around to take J. to school or pick him up, even though he has a demanding job, in order to make sure I didn't have to worry about it. Once again, when I had doubts and wondered if things would ever work out, Daddy's quiet confidence made me feel better.

And now you are here. You don't realize it yet, but your dad is an amazing father. He was there when you were born and even when the doctors took ultrasound pictures of you before you were born. He has changed your diapers, cleaned up your puke, fed you, hugged you, read to you, and regularly gets down on the floor to play with you. He plays pretend games with stuffed animals and talks in a high squeaky voice to make you laugh. He teaches you things, like letters and how to pet the bunny gently, and yells at you when you do stuff wrong to make you a better person. He believes you can do anything in the world you want to. He goes to your Little League games and your school conferences. He insists on having holidays at our house so we can make them happy, stress-free times. He nags you to brush your teeth and wash your face so you don't have cavities and zits. He works long hours at a job that doesn't thrill him sometimes, so you can live in a nice house and go to a good school and have all things you need and most of the things you want. Sometimes he comes home from work in time to have dinner with us, only to go upstairs and work into the wee hours at night, because he'd rather work upstairs after you're asleep than stay late at the office and miss putting you to bed each night. He doesn't complain (much) about how little sleep he gets, or how little time to himself he gets, or how we don't travel very often, or how he can't buy expensive stuff for himself the way he used to.

Today is Father's Day, and I wanted to try to make you understand how special a dad you have. I hope when you get older you will be able to, and I hope when you get older you will be parents that are as kind, attentive, gentle and there (physically and emotionally) as your dad is. So let him sleep in today. Give him extra hugs and kisses and tell him you love him.

Because he's one in a million gazillion.

My new time-sucking vampire

Have you discovered Ravelry yet? It's a website currently in beta testing designed for and by knitters. If you've ever thought "God, I really need to figure out what's in my stash" or tried to set up a database to list projects you want to try, Ravelry is amazing. You start a "notebook," with separate sections for keeping track of projects (you can designate them works in progress or finished, and post photographs of them), organizing stash (how many skeins, a photo, notes) and a "queue" for listing project ideas, whether patterns or yarns. You can also surf other people's notebooks to see what they are making and thinking about making. Right now, the website is by invitation only, so you have to email the makers and ask to be put on the list for an invite. This looks to be a very promising addition to the on-line knitting community if you are computer-savvy and/or like the inspiration of looking at other folks' work. My user name is "Black Bunny," in case you want to marvel at my stash. (Only a portion of which is on there.)

In the meantime, I have been flooded with entries for the How I Really Feel contest. So many good ones, in fact, that it's going to be hard to decide. I'm going to have to give a variety of awards to reflect the variety and quality of responses.

Next Etsy update is Monday, around 12:30 in the afternoon. Sock yarns, of course, and roving for the spinners, along with a new yarn that I'm trying out.



Only three batches until I see if it sells and what the reaction is.

The death of shame, or a meditation upon Paris Hilton, Alberto Gonzalez and various others

When I was little, my grandmother used to respond to anything that was off-color on the teevee (e.g., a boob joke on Hee-Haw) by saying "They have no shame." I didn't really get what she meant until I was much older. Today I mourn the death of shame.

When I use the word "shame," I am not talking about feeling guilty or embarrassed about things beyond one's control (such as appearance, or background, or having experienced abuse, say). I am instead referring to "a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety." [Merriam-Webster's definition] Shame requires first, an awareness that one has done something wrong or improper; then an appreciation that the shameful act was within the person's control; and that the person experiencing shame feels sorrow over that, knows s/he can or should do better, and (one hopes) resolves not to repeat the same mistake in the future.

Where has all the shame gone?

This notion is fresh in my mind because this morning, I read that Paris Hilton's father is planning a huge party to celebrate her release from jail. Where I come from, having your kid go to jail -- no matter what the charge -- is not something to brag about, and certainly is not a reason to throw a party (even if the kid is going to be paroled). Going to jail was regarded as a sign to parents that something went wrong, and maybe that something had to do with the way the kid was raised. Maybe; everyone has free will and so it could just be the kid screwed up notwithstanding a respectable upbringing, but I think the crucial point is that the parents at least considered the possibility that they had missed something or screwed up. They didn't laugh it off or plan an expensive party. Instead, they were ashamed.

I don't want to sound like the crusty old man who blathers on about walking to school ten miles each way in the snow -- without shoes. ("And we liked it that way!") Nor do I want to sound like the hypocritical right-wing zealots that I loathe. But lately it seems to me that no one has any shame any more, and that this isn't a good development for our society. Consider:

• Man is diagnosed with virulent TB, and is cautioned against traveling, but ignores public health concerns and flies all over the world, subjecting hundreds (including his closest friends and family) to potential infection with a drug-resistant strain of TB. No shame.
• Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez nearly faces a Senate no-confidence vote after a humiliating performance testifying before Congress in which he basically demonstrates that he is either lying through his teeth or so inept and forgetful he can't remember an important decision from a year ago. He is unashamed, nay, indignant.
• Teen and young adult girls flash their breasts for TV cameras in exchange for a T-shirt, knowing that DVDs of their nekkid titties will be sold and whacked off to by men all over the country. Not merely a lack of shame, but a lack of self-respect.
• Man serves wife with divorce papers when she lies in hospital fighting cancer. He calls up second wife on the phone and tells her he wants a divorce because he is having an affair with an aide 23 years his junior. Shame? Nope; he is running for president on the "family values" platform.
  

I'm not advocating widespread guilt, people beating themselves up endlessly over mistakes. But it would be nice if, once in a while, people would look at what they've done in the past and instead of dismissing it or justifying it, just admitted that it was wrong or stupid, and felt some shame.

Because, as Pascal once said, "the only shame is to have none."

The most exciting thing I did this weekend

was extract this king-sized hairball from the exhaust pipe to our clothes dryer. Pay no attention to the paint stirrer, or the unopened container of paint that is supposed to cover the bathroom walls. (I think it needs to ripen a little more; three years isn't nearly enough.) The dryer is working really, really well now.

Now off to mull over the bizarro ending to The Sopranos. If only I weren't still humming "Don't Stop Believin'." (And if I see another stupid teevee critic describe it as "the ultimate power ballad of the 1980s," I will scream.)

Blog Contest

I've never had a full-fledged, official Go-Knit-In-Your-Hat Blog Contest before, so here goes.

A long time ago, I came up with this great idea for a brand-new line of greeting cards. The line is called "How I Really Feel" ^TM and instead of sappy poems that sound like "Duh DA duh da DAH dah, duh DA duh da DAH" they feature pithy messages for real-world relationships. My idea was born out of frustration when shopping for greeting cards for certain, er., difficult family members. I hated buying them cards with inapt sentimental messages that made me feel like a hypocrite. On Father's Day, for example, I was faced with rack upon rack of cards saying "You're the best dad ever!" and "You're more than my pop, you're my best friend!" [gag] What I was really looking for was something like this:

[front of card featuring mallard flying over pond] "Happy Father's Day to my favorite abusive alcoholic!"
[inside of card] "You always sucked as a dad, but you are the only one I'll ever have."

My idea caught on (in my twisted little mind) like wildfire. MIL's birthday?

[front of card featuring pretty vase of flowers] "Even though you threatened to call Child Protective Services on me for no reason when my first child was an infant, I'm still wishing you a happy birthday!
[inside] Because if nothing else, you gave birth to my dear husband."

And for that special sister-in-law:

[front of card with balloons and confetti] "Congrats on your 1000th day without another psychotic break!"
[inside] "You do realize, however, that you'd be much better off if you didn't discontinue the meds against doctor's orders?"

Your mission is clear: email me (at goknitinyourhat [A%T]att[D*OT]net -- you know to take out the extra symbols, right?) with your proposed additions to the "How I Really Feel" ^TM line, including your email address. I will select one grand winner and a couple of honorable mentions. There will be prizes: for the knitters, some BBF yarn or a good knitting book (I have some extra copies of stuff I got from TNNA last year), and for the non-knitters, erm, I'll think of something. Chocolate, maybe.

Deadline is June 25th at midnight. Only submissions that do NOT appear in the comments will be considered. And when you email me your submission, you agree that I can reproduce it on this blog should I deem it clever enough. There is no limit to the number you can send in, so long as they are original and funny.

Go to it, wags!